Associate In Caring
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417/569-3544 2200 E. Sunshine, Suite 310 Springfield, MO 65804
417/569-3544 2200 E. Sunshine, Suite 310 Springfield, MO 65804
My Blog
My Blog
Blog
Signs of A Troubled Marriage
Posted on March 11, 2020 at 12:52 PM |
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Having
practiced counseling for the better part of 20 years I have probably learned
more from my numerous clients than I have from my formal education or the many
workshops I have attended. As I have
learned, who is a better expert on you than you? That being said, I have also learned in my
years working with couples, who would be a better expert on what a relationship
both troubled and untroubled looks and
feels like than the couples themselves?
In this writing, I would like to share with you what I have found to be
the primary characteristics of both the troubled and untroubled
relationship. While this may not be a
complete complication and a couple may not come in and describe it word for
word, rather they just know something is wrong.
It may take time for these
underlying characteristics to be vocalized by the couple. Conversely many couples may have a vague idea
of what the untroubled relationship looks and feels like but they have become
so focused on the troubles that they do not seem themselves capable of attaining
a healthy, loving relationship. The goal
of counseling is to help the couple identify and voice these troubles and then
to help them develop the hope and strategy to move from being troubled to a healthy,
loving relationship Characteristics
of a troubled relationship: 1. We constantly criticize and argue
with each other. 2. We become defensive at the slightest
provocation. 3. We keep score aka. Quid Pro Quo.. 4. We have to have the last word. 5. We hold our partner responsible for
our happiness or unhappiness. 6. We hold ourselves responsible for our
partner’s happiness or unhappiness. 7. We can’t tolerate our differences. 8. We are not able to live in the present, rather
we cripple our relationship fearing the future and unable to let go of the
past. 9. We communicate, if at all, indirectly and
negatively. 10.
We have lost our perspective and live in despair. Characteristics of a healthy relationship: 1. We learn we are allies and friends. 2. We do see positivity in of our
partner’s actions. 3. We do things for our partner without
seeking a payoff. 4. We accept responsibility for our own
happiness and allow our partner to accept responsibility for their own
happiness. 5. We learn that we do not have to win;
it is a partnership not a contest. 6. We accept our partner’s differences
and learn to negotiate the autonomy and interdependence that’s right for us. 7. We live in the present without fear
of the future and can let go of the past. 8. We communicate directly with love and
listen with love 9. We commit ourselves to the relationship daily
and constantly seek to understand our partner and to be understood by our
partner. 10. We have perspective and live with
hope. Next: How to make counseling
work for you. |
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